Alien Founders

It's been a while since I've posted on this blog, as schoolwork, water polo, and lack of motivation have taken their toll. Yesterday, I was considering posting, but didn't know what to write about. So I gave up and went to the TV. In school, I've been studying the American Revolution, and decided to see if there was still a shred of historical programming on the History Channel that could help me. And sure enough, there was something on about the founding fathers. And it taught me a great lesson.

The founding fathers were directly inspired by…
ALIENS!

Fuck you, History Channel. Fuck you.

Unfortunately, there's a large piece of my psyche that loves to feed on stupidity, and so I decided to sit and watch it, jotting down notes to write an explanation as to why this is as stupid as it is. So here it is, my rebuttal to Ancient Aliens: The Founding Fathers.

The episode starts with showing the Founding Fathers and posing the question if they believed in aliens. They reference articles Ben Franklin published in his Poor Richard's Almanacs that mention extra-terrestrials, and call it "proof" that he had solid faith in aliens.
I have one massive problem with this logic. Apparently, believing in aliens means that one believes that aliens came to Earth. I believe aliens exist. Ben Franklin might have as well. However, neither one of us would say that aliens had been to Earth before. Franklin was a skeptic, so I doubt he'd be with that funny looking guy in saying that aliens were responsible for every advancement of man.
The other bits of evidence brought up are the Iroquois myths, about how a pregnant woman descended from the heavens and gave birth to humankind. I love how the guy presenting the myth in the show called the figure an "extraterrestrial." It's so common in Ancient Alien "theorists" that myths of sky-gods refer to aliens that it's seen as one of the greatest pieces of evidence for it. The only real refutation is that humans are an imaginative species. The sky is easily mythologized. So immediately posing aliens as the only answer is not only a huge leap in logic, it's calling the mythmakers unimaginative.

The second portion of their case is that the Founders were directly influenced by aliens. The moment they said "Valley Forge" I turned red from the stupid. Obviously they were referring to Washington's vision. According to myth, during the Valley Forge encampment, George Washington went into the woods and said a prayer. Then, an angel appeared and told him to never give up hope. She told of his victory, the Civil War, and the US's emergence as the most powerful nation on the planet.
I have a few little problems with this story. First comes the fact that it first appeared in 1880, without ever being mentioned earlier. One would think that if Washington told the aid who supposedly introduced the myth, then he would've spoken earlier, since it tells such an amazing prediction. Another problem is the fact that Washington never speaks of it. Never. Not once. This incredibly honest man sees an apparition that tells him about the future of the United States, and lives in a time when such visions were believed. Why then, would he only tell an aid? It could be used as a major rallying cry for the troops, as well as a motivation for the citizens.

Alien?

Finally, the fact that the myth is tied into aliens only adds more questions. If the aliens knew the future, then why would they want D.C. to be built to signal them? If the aliens were rooting for Washington, then why would they wait until Valley Forge to show it? I mean, at Germantown Washington's army, had it been better organized, would've routed Howe. Why wouldn't the aliens help Washington's men directly? Was Friedrich von Steuben an alien? This leap in logic makes no sense.
The next evidence is a UFO that was reported to Thomas Jefferson. This is something to behold, people. The father of the Declaration believes in aliens because he heard about a meteor UFO near Baton Rouge. The incident is about an object that falls from the sky, causing a good deal of heat and light, but does't form a huge crater when it crashes. Of course, meteors do this often, but don't bother telling that to them. The program makes the incident seem so important that it's a smaller leap in logic to assume that Jefferson believed in aliens, you know, like how it's easier to jump the Grand Canyon than Valles Marinas.

Now comes the time when we delve into the classic conspiracy of the Revolution. The Freemasons!
Yes, the Freemasons, who give the Illuminati a run for their money as the favorites of any conspiracy theorist. The Ancient Aliens apparently directly inspired this organization, whose symbols are used for signaling them to land. The program calls the organization a bunch of alien seeking elites who held the believe of extraterrestrials at heart. I'm no expert on Freemasonry, but something tells me that that's a load of shit.
For the most part, it's all about symbols and how they relate to aliens. But then there's the epitome of stupid in this episode. This painting.

                 
As you can see, the painting is decorated with Freemasonic imagery and various symbols. But the program focuses specifically on one little section.

I know it's low resolution, but it should still be clear what the image is: a Jacob's Ladder ascending into a cloud.
But wait, what's this? The cloud's round. What cloud is round? And the lights in it? What cloud has lights in it? No, obviously this is a UFO!
The stupidity of this is so stupendous that I am speechless.

The final part of this heinous special is about how DC is designed to aliens. By this point the stupid was so thick that it was a chore to keep going. Still I sat through it.
Apparently, D.C. is filled with symbols on the streets. This is clear. There's a star, various sets of triangles around important buildings, and Freemasonic symbols all throughout. So, of course, the only possible explanation of these is aliens! For you see, the Washington monument is at an important point in the city, built so that it lines up directly to the Pleiades. Therefore, it is meant to signal aliens. The Capitol Building is built upon a hill. Hills are important places in cities, as often major sites and buildings are placed on hills. However, there is a specific reason that the Capitol was built on that hill. By being on a hill, Aliens could see it was important. And the star streets? What other purpose could they have other than to signal extraterrestrials to come to Earth?

The great alien George Washington.

The program then ends with images of Washington in paintings on the capitol. This painting is shown. Obviously it was designed as a sort of joke about the deification of Washington. But no, it doesn't show Washington as a deity, watching Congress. It shows him among aliens.


                         

History Channel, why do you have this tripe on the air? This program is a menace to intelligence. It is inept at everything it shows, stupid beyond belief, and toxic to minds. It's not just the crackpots who believe this. Because of this show, I know several people who truly believe that the human race has been manipulated countless times by aliens. Intelligent people who have been influenced by this garbage into buying long-refuted idiotic notions that the human race is inept and unable to pull itself up without outside forces.
This show is insulting, insipid, and offensive to the mind. Don't ever watch it, for even mocking it is painful.